Dressing up with the Cullens
by Georgiana1234
Summary: It is even more rainy than the days that are rainier days than usual in Forks and the Cullens find themselves yet again with nothing to do. When Esme finds a old dressing up box what chaos will insue?
1. The Box

The Box

Esme had been meaning to clear out the upstairs closet for quite some time. It was stuffed with the many discarded distractions that Edward had created for himself. A play station, a big box of Lego and to Esme consternation (oh long word) a pair of satin, pink ballet shoes. She rummaged through the mountain of stuff separating the junk that they probably wouldn't use again (including a mountain of pokemon cards, an old gramophone record of "The Spinatics" whoever they were and a car shaped ash tray.) from the practical things that she could use ( including twelve bottles of carpet cleaner, a baby blue toaster and Japanese calligraphy kit.)

She had reached the back of the cupboard when she found the box marked "Costumes". Esme, remembering Edward's theatre directing phase, lugged the heavy box downstairs to have a closer look at it. It was even more rainy than the days that were rainier than usual in Forks and the Cullens were utterly bored. Bella sat nestled into Edward's chest as he stroked her hair absentmindedly. Esme sighed happily and continued down the stairs.

"Look what I found, Edward." said Esme as she set the box down on the coffee table.

Edward looked up, distracted for a moment from his ponderings of life the universe and everything.

"What is it?" Bella asked curiously.

"It's a dressing up box." Edward explained recognising it instantly.

"Oooo, let's play." Bella jumped up and started rummaging around in the box.

She turned round and found five vampires looking at her (Carlisle was at work and Esme was, like Bella looking through the box). She hadn't seen them come in but she had a feeling the reason they were here had something to do with what she had just said. "Play" was a word that brought out a highly competitive side of the Cullens that Bella wasn't sure she liked.

"Okay, here are the rules." Emmett said seriously. Bella looked around frantically trying to figure out at which point this had turned into something with rules. "We pick out a random name of a costume from this hat." He held out a black top hat that Bella recognised. "We spend one hour, that's one hour in this costume, acting in the persona of your new identity. There will be no switching, no talking if your new persona can't talk and you may not change out of your costume until the hour is up." Everyone nodded and Bella shrugged. There was brief fifteen minutes where Esme, who didn't want to play, prepared the slips of paper while the Cullens and Bella waited in the sitting room, thinking up amusing outcomes in the game. What they didn't know was that they weren't half as amusing as the next few hours were about to be.


	2. Game one

Chapter Two: Game One.

Bella was the first to put her hand, tentatively into "the hat." All eyes were on her as she pulled out a slip of paper and read it.

"Oh damn." She muttered and ran into the dining room to get changed. The Cullens waited for her return with bated breath and finally Bella crawled out dejectedly.

"Woof." She said dispiritedly.

"Oh come on Bella, put some omf into it." Edward teased and patted her on the head. Bella slumped down onto the floor, rested her head on his feet and gazed up into his eyes. Edward chuckled and bent down to stroke her.

Alice was next but didn't seem like she liked her choice.

"That isn't fair." She screamed, outraged.

The others just shock there heads and pushed her into the dining room. Alice didn't come out for ten minutes. Jasper stood at the door trying to coxe her out.

"Come on Alice, we'll all have embarrassing ones." He pleaded.

There was a sniffle from inside. Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Come on Alice, how made can it be?" it was the wrong question to ask.

"HOW BAD CAN IT BE?" bellowed Alice as she burst through the door, knocking Jasper to the floor. " I'M A MUSHROOM!" and Alice was indeed a mushroom, decked out in the costume Esme had made for Emmett when he had been cast as a mushroom in the school's production of Alice in Wonderland sometime in the sixties. Bella didn't feel quite as bad about her choice as Alice plonked herself down on the ground in silence and stared into space.

Rosalie picked next. She burst out of the room five minutes later, a vision in white satin.

Alice made a rude gesture at her.

"Ah ah ah." said Jasper, still angry at being knocked to the floor. "Mushrooms can't swear Alice." Alice gave him a dirty look and folded her arms, with difficulty, over the foam stalk.

"Why'd she do that?" said Rosalie looking distastefully at Alice crouched on the floor.

"I think. . ." said Edward. " It's because she got picked as a mushroom and you're a bride." Rosalie smiled happily to herself, picked up a copy of 'Bride's magazine' and proceeded to ignore everyone.

Edward insisted that he went next. He pulled out a slip of paper uttering "Oh man!" under his breath and slamming the door behind him. He was out a second later.

"Ho Ho Ho." He said hugging his now gigantic belly.

"Santa Claus!" said Jasper, amazed. "Why do we even have a Santa Claus costume?"

"Me and Carlisle bought it a while back." said Esme smiling in a reminiscent sort of way. "We went round the hospital greeting all the kids who were stuck in there at Christmas. I was dressed as an. . . ."

"An elf?" Jasper finished her sentence for her.

"Yes how did you. . ." Esme started to say but then turned to see Jasper holding a tiny slip of paper. He stalked off into the dining room and slammed the door loudly.

"Oh dear!" said Rosalie worriedly looking up from her magazine. Everyone exchanged grim looks, except Alice who refused to meet anyone's eyes because as she put it, in her head of course _Mushrooms can't exchange grim looks. _

Sure enough Jasper skipped into the room wearing a full elf uniform complete with a

tinkling bell on his hat. Edward smiled evilly.

"Come, my elffy chum." He said to Jasper in his deep voice. "We have to start preparations for Christmas.

"Right-o" Jasper squeaked. Bella was surprised at how seriously they were taking this.

"Stop right there." said Emmett grabbing the back of Jasper's uniform as he began to skip away. "I haven't picked yet." Jasper just started skipping on the spot joyfully.

_Why are you doing that? _thought Alice. Edward heard her and referred the question to Jasper.

Jasper merely gave Alice an insane grin and said, still at a ridiculously high pitch.

"I can't stop." There was a slight note of panic in his voice which made Alice think for a brief moment that he wasn't joking, however she had no time to question him further (through Edward of course) because Emmett was plunging his hand into the hat, rummaging around, his tongue slightly out of his mouth in concentration. After a substantial amount of time he pulled out his arm and zoomed into the dining room, not even pausing to look at his piece of paper.

He burst out a minute later adorned with moustache, white apron and hat. He carried a bloody chopping knife. Alice thought this was going a bit too far but she supposed it was necessary if you were a chef.

"Bonjourno!" boomed Emmett in a thick Italian accent. "My name is Antonio. I shall be your chef for this evening." He flung the knife up in the air, caught it and started to twirl it in his fingers. The dog nearly clapped after this performance but realised that she was no longer Bella.

"The hour starts now." Said Esme, and she set a cooking timer down on the coffee table and went back to Edward's closet to continue her work.

**AN: Phew that took ages to write. I don't exactly like writing these starter chapters cos they are awfully boring but it's just about to get fun so read on.**


	3. The Game begins

**AN: Sorry this has been so long coming but I didn't know I hadn't put it up yet so it has been lying here half finished for a couple of weeks. Oh well. . .enjoy!**

Chapter Three: Game on

Emmett and Rosalie sat in a deep discussion on the sofa in the lounge which Rosalie had christened "Bride central." Emmett was telling her that she couldn't serve blood at her wedding but Rosalie merely reminded him that he was the caterer and he was to make happen. Emmett listened to each and every one of her extravagant demands with inward groans, these included; a fountain of blood; blood champagne; blood shots and to Emmett's horror a blood cake.

". . . oh and some sandwiches for Bella. Edward won't come if I don't invite Bella and then no one will want to come." She said sulkily smoothing out the wrinkles in her beautiful dress which had been her own at their second wedding. Rosalie was the only one of the Cullen brides who insisted on a new dress every time she got married.

Bella indecently was crouched down under the piano, white as a sheet and whimpering at the thought of the blood buffet. She had to remind herself that Rosalie wasn't actually getting married . . . yet. No, that delight would wait a couple of years. _She wouldn't really want a blood banquet? Would she? _Bella thought shivering slightly. She curled up against one of the piano's four legs and whined quietly until she fell fast asleep. Bella didn't realise she was tired but next thing she new she was chasing rabbits across a field barking loudly. She smiled happily in her sleep.

Alice, who had also been dropping an eve on Rosalie and Emmett's little talk suddenly picked herself up from the floor. Rosalie and Emmett jumped.

"Oh mushroom, I quite forgot you were there." said Rosalie smiling at her. Alice grimaced and marched outside. Rosalie suddenly looked a little worried. "Alice you can't go out there it's pouring with rain." Alice didn't say anything, she just plonked herself down in the mud and pouring rain outside and practically became one with nature.

Edward meanwhile was in his "workshop" which was actually Carlisle's study with a bit of tinsel along the shelves which jasper was putting up. Edward was sitting in his chair, he needed toys, and fast. He also needed a sleigh _and_ reindeer. He would have to get to work right away.

"Elf" he said and Jasper looked up from his decorating. "I need something that looks like this." He handed him a Christmas card he had found in Carlisle's draws. The elf saluted him and skipped out the room. Edward now set to work on the present, he looked around his "Grotto" at the many books on Carlisle's shelves. How many books did he actually need anyway? Would he rather have a book or bring happiness to a child? Edward or rather Santa knew which he would choose. He pulled down a copy of "Anatomy of man" from a shelf to his right and set to work.

Emmett meanwhile, who had finally persuaded Rosalie to have a human-friendly feast, was sitting in the kitchen, sucking a pen. What to make. . .what to make. What he needed was ingredients, he stared out at the pouring rain that speckled the windows and his eyes brightened. A minute later he was crouched down beside the piece of abnormally large fungi out front.

"Alice. . ." he said mischievously. Alice said nothing, she had decided this was the way she was going to approach this role in general. "I've been told to make a menu for Rosalie's wedding." Alice blinked. "I haven't figured out all of it yet but I do know what the starter is going to be." Alice blinked again and Emmett grinned. "MUSHROOM SOUP!" he yelled and pulled out his blood spattered knife. Alice made a decision in that split second and it was to simply run. She of course realised that mushrooms couldn't run but she was concentrating more on the gleam in the chef's eye and the shine of his weapon. Emmett chased the defenceless mushroom round and round the house screaming at it. "Mushrooms can't run Alice, it'll be nice to be in the soup. . .honest."

Bella hear these shouts from her guard post at the door. She eagerly scratched at the door with her paw and Rosalie looked up from her magazine. She gave the puny puppy a scowl and threw a coaster at it. The coaster hit Bella square in the forehead and she watched bounce off the floor and roll away. She ran after it playfully and brought it back to Rosalie, her eyes gleaming happily. Rosalie gave it another scowl and ignored the request. Bella's eyes narrowed and she leaned back on her hind legs and started to tug at the hem of the white folds that enveloped Rosalie. Rosalie tugged back shouting profanities at the little dog, it just growled and tugged harder.

Jasper the elf lead Santa out onto the roof and with an extravagant bow present his sleigh. Edward clapped his hands in delight. In truth the "sleigh" was only an old armchair from the attic attached to a papier maché reindeer that Jasper had whipped up but Edward didn't care. The elf gave a skip of delight at it's master's joy and clapped his hands too.

"I must continue making toys to fill this marvellous sleigh." Said Edward and he clambered down the ladder to return to his duties.

"What shall I do?" squeaked Jasper after him. Edward's shout came muffled through the rain.

"Just put up some lights somewhere." He instructed. So Jasper did just that.


	4. What have you done?

Chapter Four: What have you done?

Edward sat peacefully in Carlisle's study, a glue stick in one hand and a rolled up page from "Anatomy of man" in the other. He sighed. It was a work of beauty. He had decided to give the pirate ship to Emmett. He applauded himself on being able to make the tiny features of the boat with merely a few pages of some old book. It had a crow's nest, a rigging, a captain's study, a tiny steering wheel and even a little cabin boy perched precariously on the rigging. He smiled and added it to his sac, it was nearly time to give out the presents, where was that blasted elf?

Meanwhile downstairs Bella was happily chewing on half of the skirt from Rosalie's wedding dress under the piano, Rosalie watched her from the couch. How dare she ruin her special day? She would get Emmett to make puppy soup when he got back. Where was he anyway? He had been gone at least fifteen minutes. She sighed and took up the bride's magazine to wallow in her despair.

Emmett was actually still in the act of preparing Rosalie's starter. He stood over the tied up mushroom that lay on the worktop in the kitchen, pouring over the only recipe book the Cullens owned. Alice glared at him unhappily.

"It says here that I have to fry some onions first" Emmett pondered in silence for a moment and then decided to ask Alice. "How do you fry something Alice?" Alice rolled her eyes and sat up so that she could reach a cupboard on the wall. She opened it and there were the perfectly clean cooking utensils stacked neatly in rows just as they had been when Esme had brought them home at least fifty years ago. She took down a bright red frying pan and set it on the stove.

Many may be wondering why Alice knew how to cook and Emmett didn't. If you are you are clever and should be given a gold star for critical thinking. Well the answering to your wonderings is that Alice took home economics for three years in the nineties, but that's another story.

Emmett stared at Alice in amazement as she took a decanter of oil that stood next to the stove and poured it into the pan, now on the lit stove. It fizzed and Emmett jumped back. Alice patted his arm reassuringly and handed him and onion to chop. Emmett wasn't bad at chopping onions, in fact for someone who would never have to eat food he wasn't a bad cook. Unfortunately Alice didn't stick around to see this because as the budding chef made the first incision into the unpeel onion she crept out the door, her limbs still tied and mouth still gagged.

Jasper added the final touch, Edward would be pleased. He had done a whole room. It sparkled and shined, it flashed and blinded. It was Christmas at it's best. He sighed happily and turned to spread joy through more of the house when Edward burst in.

Edward was more than surprised at what he saw.

"What have you done to my room?" he screeched. Jasper smiled, taking his high pitch as an imitation of himself in admiration of his good Christmas work. Jasper's elf logic was incredibly far from reality which he realised when Edward grabbed him by the shoulders and screaming profanities in his ear. Jasper was startled.

"You told me to put up lights." Jasper's melancholy squeal would have put Bella to shame. "So I did."

"NOT IN MY ROOM!" Edward yelled. "I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE MY ELF ANYMORE!" Jasper hung his head in shame and Edward stormed out of the room to fume somewhere where he could actually see. Jasper had lost his identity, his world was shattered, his life was over. He hated Christmas; he wanted to destroy it, every last bit. He looked up and this time a terrifying grin spread across his face, he would no longer be Jasper, the happy clappy elf who lived to serve. He would be:

"EMO ELF!!!!" he screeched and laughed madly. He grabbed the decorations and began to pull them done. What had Edward done?


	5. Destroy Christmas!

**AN: Okay, I realise this is extremely overdue, would you believe me if I told you that a group of Noel Fielding worshipping pixie that wore beans tins on their heads stole my brain and put it up for auction in Vancouver after chopping up my right finger into 18 perfect cubes and forbidding me to ever use the magic box in my room i.e. my computer? No, didn't think so. Oh well, enjoy!**

Chapter Five: Destroy Christmas

Bella chewed happily on the piece of now raged and slightly battered white silk. She chuckled happily to herself imagining the look on Rosalie face as she had bolted from the room just minutes before. She took hold of her cloth tail and wagged it happily. It wasn't for quite a while until she realised that Jasper had entered the room. She barked and ran happily over to him. He smiled down at her evilly.

I must point out on Bella's behalf that the only difference between Jasper the happy clappy elf and Emo elf was that Emo elf did not skip. I say this only so you do not think I am portraying Bella in a ditsy light because there was no possible way his drastic transformation could have occurred at this point in time.

Bella peered up at him balefully and jumped up on his suddenly jumped up on his placing her front paws on his chest, her tongue hanging out of her mouth. Emo elf inwardly cowered away from her explicit happiness and joy but kept his idea of a smile (a insane sneer which Bella thought was only slightly demented) fixed in place.

At this point Jasper was also debating whether his new mission, i.e. destroying Christmas, should include this wayward puppy. He racked his brain struggling to find a connection so he could steel her away. Finally he shrugged and said.

"A dog is for life not just for Christmas." And his sneer widened. Bella cocked her head to one side and narrowed her eyes and noticed a moment too late the stationary position of the belled toes beneath her. She whimpered as Jasper slung her happily over his elfin shoulder and marched with her upstairs to his "Den".

Jasper den was in fact Edward's room. You're probably thinking "Wait a second, it's covered in happy clappy Christmas lights, Emo elf would surely flee to some abyss somewhere to build his head quarters." Well think again. Edward's room was now the anti-christmas, the floor was scattered with broken bulbs, the candy canes stuck out of the walls with mangled Satsuma's hanging form their ends and the Christmas tree was now no more than a chainsaw hacked stump. Bella looked around her, frightened. If he had done this to all the other Christmas stuff what the hell was he going to do to her? Emo elf noticed her wary expression.

"Do not worry little Santa worshipper you are not the target." He smiled for real this time but it still looked just as scary. "You are the bait." Bella gulped as she was set down on a mangled sleigh. "Now stay" he commanded and left to gather more prey. Bella rested her head on the end of the sleigh and sighed, there was still half an hour still she could use her vocal chords, sometimes hanging out with vampires was very hard, the could have just played pictionary.

The next person Jasper happened upon was unfortunately Rosalie who was lying on her bed still reading her bride's magazine, utterly content.

"Oh hi Jasper." She said lazily as he entered her room.

"That is not my name." Jasper sneered.

"Fine then," she rolled her eyes. "Jasper the happy clappy elf."

Jasper's fists clenched and his forehead furrowed, Rosalie glanced at him.

"Something wrong?" Jasper pounced on her.

Rosalie struggled hopelessly against her wiry bonds. Bella cowered against the side of the sleigh as Rosalie cursed and raged. Jasper smiled his insane grin that now stretched from ear to ear, contorting his perfectly beautiful features. He swung his scorched hat back onto his head and left the room.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Rosalie screamed. "I'm getting married!!!" she stamped her foot and her white stiletto went through the wooden floor of the wrecked sleigh. Bella tried hard not to laugh, she crawled forward and once again started chewing on the now incredibly frayed remains of Rosalie's hem.

Jasper needed more hostages, but who was left? A chef and a mushroom. He swung down the banister of the grand staircase, landed in the living room with ease and headed towards the kitchen from which he guessed the screams were coming from.

"Mushrooms can't scream, Alice." Emmett stood over the desperate piece of fungi who was now helplessly strapped to the counter. Jasper entered and Alice looked up pleadingly. Alice knew her husband very well, she had fallen down rapids with him, milked a cow with him, ran frantically away from a blood thirsty cheetah which had been hanging from a shoelace for three days with him. This is the reason she noticed right away what all the Cullens failed to. The glint in his butterscotch irises, the sneer, the lack of tinkling from his bell adorned toes and the raged ends of his green clothes. But unfortunately unlike the rest of the Cullens Alice was not in possession with the specific power that enabled her to tell anyone about all of these things, i.e. she was a mushroom.

She looked up at Emmett frantically and nodded at Jasper. Emmett looked round for a split second.

"Oh hey elf. What's up? Edward want me to make Christmas dinner or summink?" he said turning back and poising the sharp knife over the foamy mass beneath him. Jasper didn't answer he merely rushed forward in a blur of green and gold and grabbed Emmett by his hair. Emmett yelled and his arms flailed, trying to clobber jasper with his fists, Jasper ignored him and dragged him upstairs, still by his hair, and plonked him in the sleigh, which was becoming quite full by now. Alice joined them a minute later, making it incredibly crowded. The foam stuck into Bella's snout and she whimpered. Alice shot her a look that seemed to say. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself, who else is a mushroom here?" Bella curled up and let out a low breath.

"Where's he gone?" said Emmett to a Rosalie who now had virtually no hem left

"Oh, who knows?" she put her head in her hands

Jasper had in fact gone to claim the biggest prize of his little treasure hunt. The king of Christmas himself.


	6. The last ten minutes

**AN: Yes, I should be punished! Just read the chapter first. **

Chapter Six: The last ten minutes

The 'King' of Christmas sat in Carlisle's now glue ridden chair and sighed adding the last page of the destroyed leather bond treasure to the paper teddy bear he had been crafting for the now imprisoned Bella, but Edward was oblivious to this. He checked his watch, ten minutes in this suit left. Thank god! He thought, it was boiling in that polyester prison. If Edward could sweat at this point in time he would have been.

He barely heard the light patter of foot steps before the door slammed behind him. He whipped round and then sighed in relief.

"Oh, it's only you Jasper." He said and turned back to his newspaper wonder. Jasper grinned. "Look…" Edward paused. "…sorry about earlier, it's just you know how I get about my room and I really wanted it to be…." Edward was rudely interrupted in his profuse apologies however by the sudden presence of a battered Hessian sack. Normally this minor detail would not have fazed Edward but you have to understand that said sack was covering his face. This was a situation Edward was eager to get out of and he staggered around the room blindly, the teddy sculpture flew out of his hands hitting jasper hard in the face, knocking him to the floor, his bells tinkling merrily.

Emo elf shook himself and made to stand up and face his nemesis but before he could do so his whole body was engulfed in a wave of crimson velvet and artificial fur i.e. Edward fell on him.

Meanwhile back in the elf's putrid cave of Emo-ness (you can tell I'm getting As in English can't u?) The captured Cullens were becoming anxious by the delayed return of their host, for want of a better word.

"Where is heeeeeeee!" Rosalie screamed frantically trying to fend a dress-thirsty Bella off what was left of her skirt with her feet.

"How long have we got left?" Asked Emmett trying to twist his head round to look at his watch which of course was round his bound wrist.

"Five minutes!" said Alice grumpily.

"Ah. Ah. Ah. Alice, mushrooms can't tell the time!" Rosalie teased. Alice growled at her and she shrank against the side of the sleigh.

"Personally, I can't wait to change my costume." Emmett grumbled.

"You can't wait!" Alice said incredulously. "Anyway, I'm not changing, I've had enough of this game." She slumped back Bella came to rest her chin on her battered stalk.

"Oh come on Al…"Rosalie began but Alice silenced her with a poisonous look

"In fact!" said Alice, standing up. "I'm getting out of this costume right now!"

"No Alice!" yelled Emmett also jumping up. "There's only a few minutes left. Don't crack now." Alice sprinted out the room, not very successfully I might add as when was the last time you saw a mushroom sprinting? Last Tuesday? You're weird!

She knew where she was going, done the stairs, along the corridor. She ran, with Emmett at her heals. She was almost there when she felt something hit the back of her legs and she fell to her right. The overgrown mushroom rolled violently down the grand staircase, hitting the sofa with a bump.

Emmett stared down at her in disbelief, the murder weapon clutched in his sweat less palm. Rosalie and Bella rushed up to him and they too stared down at the motionless vegetable.

"Why?" shouted Emmett holding his whisk up in the air in despair. "Why her?" Rosalie tutted.

"Because you clobbered her with a whisk you walnut!" She mumbled. Emmett ignored her

"And so young!" He exclaimed, sank to the floor and sobbed into his apron. Rosalie patted the cold blooded murder on the shoulder.

"Oh Emmett…I don't know what to say!" Her face brightened slightly. "But at least you have ingredients for your meal now eh?" Emmett's sobs double and he slapped the floor with his whisk.

Bella padded down the stairs and lay down next to the face down body and whimpered, licking at her stem.

"Fffphget ofmph" came a muffled voice from under the mass of foam.

Bella's ears pricked up and Emmett stopped sobbing.

"Alice?"

"What?" she grumbled and sat up indignantly.

"Alice!!!!" Emmett screamed with joy and rushed down the stairs, throwing himself at her! "You're alive! Oh Alice! I'm so happy! I'll never attempt to make soup out of you again." Rosalie chuckled and Bella began running around, barking enthusiastically. Alice smiled.

"You know what, maybe being a vegetable isn't that bad!" she said happily.

And that is when the timer went off.

**AN: So what has happened with Edward and Jasper? Will they play another game? Will Bella be able to speak in this one? Will Alice give up being a vampire and become a full time vegetable? Find out in the next chapter of Dressing up with the Cullens! Cue theme tune!!!**


	7. A Sheepish elf

AN: This chapter is dedicated to "Rosalie Cullen" (not the really one…I presume but who knows.) because she quite rightly told me to stop neglecting my stories so well done to her. Anyway sorry about that, I've had exams recently and I've got lot's of coursework to hand in so I've been burning the midnight candle at both oils….or something like that. Anyway, enjoy!!

**Chapter Seven: A sheepish elf. **

"FREEDOM!!!" screamed Alice and tore from her foamy prison, ripping the sides and falling to her knees in delight.

"I thought you said being a vegetable wasn't that bad?" said Rosalie crossing her arms and raising one eyebrow as she advanced down the stairs, the wedding dress was gone.

Alice just glared at her.

At that moment Edward appeared, rid of his costume I might add and holding a masterpiece in his hands.

"Ooooooo" exclaimed Bella. "What's that?" She held out a hand to it by Edward held it high above his head clutching it desperately.

"It's a nineteenth century Spanish galleon." He said forlornly. The others gazed at it in wonderment as he set it down on the glass coffee table (Jasper had not emerged yet).

"Nice newspaper." Said Emmett admiringly and Bella thought she saw Edward's bottom lip tremble.

"It's not newspaper!" he snapped. "It's a priceless copy of Leonardo Da vinci's anatomy of man."

"Oh right." Said Alice. "Why's it so expensive?"

"It's a first addition…" he began and there was an intake of breath from the room.

"Well that's not too bad, we'll find another…" Rosalie started to say but Edward cut in.

"A signed first addition!" there was silence.

"Are you telling me…" said Bella. "…that that is a signed first addition of Leonardo Da Vinci's anatomy of man." Edward nodded morosely.

"Probably the only one in existence."

"What possessed you?" Emmett asked in disgust.

"I just got too into Character." Edward replied, flicking a piece of dust off his jeans.

"Speaking off which…" said Rosalie straightening up to see Jasper trailing down the stairs. Alice looked round and then turned away sinking low into the cushions of the sofa.

"Er…Hi guys…" Jasper said hesitantly, he was still wearing his battered elf costume and his hair was slightly singed.

"What happened to you?" Edward asked.

"I got my foot tangled in the lights and…" he made a gesture which suggested a small explosion. "…erm…Rosalie, Alice, Emmett, Edward…Bella" he continued, Alice still wasn't looking at him. "….I'm sorry."

"It's fine" Rosalie, Emmett Edward and Bella muttered, Alice said nothing.

"Alice?" Alice made a small squeaky sound. "Alice?" Jasper said again and took a step towards her. Alice let out another squeak then catapulted herself over the back of the sofa and into his arms, knocking down flat on the floor.

"S'ok." She said casually and then grinned, Jasper grinned back.

"Right…" said a matter-of-fact voice from the doorway of the kitchen. "Another game?" and she was holding a hat.

AN: So it's up to you, another game? I have plotted for another one and I have to say I think it is even funnier. Thankyou for reading even though this is a very short chapter and reviews are nice too.


	8. Game Two

**Game Two**

Rosalie held her hand out to take a folded piece of paper from the famed hat but Alice stopped her.

"I think we should all take them the same time" she announced and the Cullens (+ Bella) nodded. Rosalie grabbed one and rushed upstairs, all the Cullens followed her example until only Bella was left. Esme nodded at her encouragingly and Bella took a deep breath, muttering something under her breath and took a slip of paper, retreating to the kitchen to get changed.

Jasper emerged first. It was not immediately obvious what he was dressed as. He wore a neatly pressed navy blue uniform complete with hat and carried a worn sack that seemed to be full of something. There was a little badge on his chest and Esme leant forward to read it.

"Royal mail?" she said, puzzled.

"That's right!" Jasper swelled with pride. "I am an employee of Her majesty." He saluted and stood very straight as if the Queen could come through the door at any moment.

Jasper noted her puzzled expression. "When I was very little…" he paused. "…my dearest wish was to become a Postman!" he swelled with pride again.

"But Jasper…" said Esme tentatively "…there were no Postmen two hundred years ago, I'm afraid you might have invented that memory." He looked at her, abashed, as though she had just smashed his childhood dreams which she had…sort of. Esme avoided his eyes, picked up a magazine and sat down.

Edward was the next to unhappily slump out of his room. Jasper tried not to laugh as he plonked himself down on the floor. Edward had only once before been dressed as a bunny and that had not been a pleasant experience. It ended in him being chased by a mob of angry children, desperate for chocolate he just didn't have! His ears drooped and fell over his eyes. He batted them away.

Alice was perhaps the most unhappy of all of them, and it was perhaps a good thing she couldn't say anything about it. She cart wheeled out in a pure completely white spandex suit. There were little red circles painted on her cheeks and her hair was hidden under a black Beret.

"What is she?" Jasper asked Esme, bemused. Esme smiled.

"She's a mime artist, and a French one at that." Alice's feet had apparently turned to lead and she was soundlessly trying to heave them along. Esme gave a little giggle. "I love mime artists. Me and Carlisle spent ages watching them when we were in Paris last year."

Alice glared at her but continued to make her way along an invisible wall. At this point she spotted Edward, pointed at him, pulling her cheeks in in a mock surprise expression and then proceeded to go into silent hysterics which redoubled when Emmett crawled out.

"Meow" he said sardonically. Jasper gave a little squeal of delight.

"Jess!"

"I beg your pardon I mean…Meow" Emmett corrected himself.

"I'm Postman Pat and you can be my cat…Jess!" he was positively skipping with excitement. "Didn't you guys watch it when you were kids?" They all stared at him blankly, Alice gave a little shrug and drew a question mark in the air.

"Erm…Jasper, Postman Pat couldn't have been around two…"but Esme was interrupted.

"I always idolized him, he was so cool you know?" Alice and Edward exchanged looks, yep definitely going loopy. Jasper was in his own little world. At this point Bella bounded out, her eyes traveled over all of them, she spotted Jasper and Emmett and let out a squeal that was strangely similar to Jasper's.

"Postman Pat and Jess!" she squealed and started singing, to everyone's surprise Jasper joined in.

_Postman Pat, Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat. Early in the morning, just as day is dawning…_

"You watching it too?" Jasper asked and Bella smiled turned into a look of confusion.

"Jasper how do you know…?"

"I watched it when I was little too." He smiled at Bella.

"But how…?" Bella started but she had spotted Edward and she smiled. Edward gave a little squeak (I know Edward squeaking!) and started frantically hopping away but Bella caught him by the tale in her white gloved hands.

"I'm gonna need you for my show little bunny wunny" she said happily and then started dragging Edward upstairs.

"What show?" Emmett said outright. Jasper kicked him. "Ow...oh right, What show…Meow?"

Bella smiled. "My magic show!" she did an elaborate gesture, indicating her top hat and tales which were finished off with little white gloves, fishnets and a little bow tie. Alice looked shocked and started making gestures towards Bella in rapid sign language.

"What's she thinking?" Bella whispered to Edward who was up side down on the stairs.

"She's was going to do a show too." He whispered and adjusted his rabbit nose which had fallen down to his chin.

"Oh yeah!" said Bella, placing her hands on her hips. "We'll see about that!" she grabbed Edward's tale again, turning to flounce off but Jasper stopped her.

"Wait!" he cried. "Where's Rosalie?"

**AN: I am aware that there maybe people out there who have not heard of Postman Pat. If not type "Postman Pat Theme song 1990" into youtube. That should give you good idea of Jasper's strange obsession. **


	9. Gotta Pick a Pocket or two!

**Chapter Nine: You've gotta pick a pocket or two**

Rosalie…was not happy. In fact this is putting it modestly. Bella knocked at her door, slightly irritated that her show preparations were being delayed.

"Rosalie…?" she asked timidly and knocked again. Edward stood obediently behind her, a crash helmet in his hand, ready to stuff onto her head in the event of…unplesantries. "Rosalie, are you gonna come…" but before Bella could finish the sentence the door flung open and Edward automatically crammed Bella's head into the crash helmet so hard that he nearly gave her concussion. Unfortunately this was made worse by the fact that Bella was still wearing her top hat and she wriggled to free herself. Edward was unaware of this however as he was staring down at Rosalie who stared back up at him through a whole in a mouth eaten and graying hat.

"I'm not playing this stupid game anymore" she muttered. Edward was still staring at Rosalie, too dumbstruck to hear Bella's muffled yells of protest coming from inside the helmet. They stood there for a moment, Edward wondering what to say then he grinned.

"Does this mean you're giving up?" he said deviously. Rosalie scowled and picked at her fingerless gloves. "Alright…I'll tell everyone." He turned round. "Guys!" he hardly raised his voice but the rest of the Cullens zoomed to him in answer. "We have a los…" Rosalie put a hand over his perfect…beautiful…breathtaking mouth. (Sorry got a little distracted there)

"Fine!" she hissed and grabbed the old supermarket trolley that stood behind her and wheeled it downstairs. Bella was screaming now and Edward finally came to, removing the helmet from her head.

"Sorry honey" he said sweetly and bent down to kiss her in apology. Bella just frowned.

"BAD BUNNY!" she yelled, out of breath, and hit him on the nose. Edward straightened up in surprise. "Now come on! We have a show to put on!" She was talking to Edward but her eyes never left Alice who gave her a V. Edward started towards her. To Edward's credit it is very difficult to look menacing in a bunny suit and he didn't quite manage it. Alice smiled. She tapped her watch and proceeded into a complicated ritual of hand gestures.

"What's she saying?" Bella whispered to her bunny in disgust.

"She says, show showdown in the living room, half an hour." He whispered back. Alice crossed her arms.

"Fine!" said Bella, sounding remarkably like Rosalie a few minutes earlier, by the way where was Rosalie?

Rosalie sat unhappily on the floor of the lounge, counting loose change on the floor and putting it into an empty beer can. Esme bent down to her level, Rosalie ignored her and started muttering.

"I'm sorry Rosalie…" Esme apologized.

"Well you should be!" Rosalie exclaimed and then sat up. "For what?"

"I don't know what I was thinking putting _Tramp _into the hat" Rosalie turned her attention back to her change which seemed now the sole reason for her existence.

"That's ok."

"Well, you did get to be a bride…meaow" said Emmett who was sitting at Jasper's feet. Rosalie scowled at him and he cowered. Jasper looked down from his letter counting. Then he looked up at Rosalie.

"Rosalie, there's a letter here for you." He said drearily. "I suppose I've got to deliver it." He scowled down at her.

"What's so bad about that Meow?" Emmett said, puzzled. "You said you loved being a postman!" Jasper sighed.

"Yes but Rosalie technically doesn't have a letterbox, seeing as she's homeless and all. I hoped my first letter would be through someone's door" there was a far away look in his eyes. Rosalie rolled her eyes and opened the front door, standing on the other side.

"Oh Rosalie!" Jasper squeaked. "That's so nice of you!"

"Well…it's gonna cost ya" she replied in a mock cockney accent. Jasper looked puzzled.

"How much?"

"Three p'nce" she said and held out her hand. Jasper still looked puzzled.

"Will three dollars do?" he asked and held out the dollar bills. Rosalie's eyes sparkled and she grabbed them, stuffing them into the beer can which she stowed in the inside pocket of her long coat. Jasper smiled and popped the letter through the letter box. Rosalie picked it up and went to sit by her trolly again. Jasper still looked disappointed. Rosalie shrugged at him, hoping for an explanation.

"You didn't look surprised!" Jasper said.

"Excuse me?"

"In Postman Pat they always said things like "Ooo what could this be" or "Getting letters is fun or…" Rosalie interrupted him with a harsh scowl.

"That's extra!" she said, still with her ludicrous accent.

"How much?" Jasper's face fell.

"Four p'ence" Rosalie's grin was not quite disguised well enough and Emmett frowned.

"Rosalie stop exploiting this poor Postman! Meaow" He said abruptly but Rosalie ignored him, snatching the four dollar bills Jasper held out to her.

Rosalie's face suddenly lit up in surprise and delight.

"Oooo, what could this be? A Letter! Well…I wonder who it is from! I hardly ever get letters..." she grimaced. "It's…so fun!" she smiled but it came out more of a leer. Jasper bent down.

"Thanks so much Rosie!" he smiled and sniffed. "You don't know what that meant to me." Rosalie tried to smile but failed, settling for patting him awkwardly on the back. He straightened up and walked back over to Emmett…I mean Jess. "Come on Jess! Let's go and deliver some more letters" he strode off, sack over shoulder and Emmett trailing reluctantly behind him.

Rosalie waited till they were out of sight before removing Jasper's wallet from inside her coat she chuckled and burst into song. "_You gotta pick a pocket or two booooooooooys, you gotta pick a pocket or twooooooooooo" _She grinned and took a smig from the beer can, getting a mouth full of pennies.

**AN: Ok that was a semi starter chapter to get things rolling rolling rolling Rawhideeeeeeeeee!**


	10. An inviting occasion

**AN: Oooooo I've never reached a chapter 10 yet, I'd like to thank my dog and my laptop and of course Stephanie Meyer and that old guy who sometime throws stuff at me on my way back from school…but seriously I'm dedicating this chapter to my mum cos it is her birthday today. Happy Birthday mum!! Here, have some insane with a side order of weird!**

**Enjoy and please review!**

Chapter Ten: An inviting occasion

Rosalie had delayed opening the letter for quite some time, she didn't seem to have many pleasures left in life so things have to be savoured (Rosalie had converted very quickly to the ethos of the London begger, soon she will be scoring heroin and buy a dog with big round eyes.) She inserted a grimy thumb into the seem of the letter and tugged, ripping open inelegantly. She stared blankly at a slip of paper embroidered with gold and purple writing.

_Ever wanted to step past the unknown, the mundane, the unfantastical. _

_Well now is you chance._

_Enter into a world of suspense, excitement and….magic._

_Presenting: BEDAZZLING BELLA_

_Type of seat: _**Charity (and you're to be on your best behaviour Rosalie!)**

Rosalie glared at the dazzling writing now smeared with grime from her fingers, mouthing unrecognisable syllables.

"Be-dass-li-en-ga B-e-l-l-ah?" she frowned. "Jasper!" Jasper, who had just strolled into the room, whistling a merry tune to himself while his cat struggled to keep up on the floor, turned to look at her. "Can you read this for me?"

"Surely you can read Rose." Jasper smiled.

"Course I can..." Rosalie grimaced at his patronising tone. "It's jus' there are a lot' a long word thingys and well…I dunno 'ow to read this fancy writin'."

"Well I'm a busy man Rose, I don't know."

"Ah come on, it'll only take a minute." Jasper smiled, he was after all an employee of her majesty the queen, why not?

He took it from her and read it out.

"Awww isn't that nice, Bella's letting you come to her show and what a beautiful letter."

"Yah wan it?" Rosalie perked up. "That'll be a shilling."

"A what? Look Rose I gotta run, gotta get these invites delivered and there's a parcel that hasn't got the correct postage on it, I'm gonna have to do a hell of a lot of paperwork to get that sorted if you'll excuse my French. Good day!"

He dropped the invitation at Rosalie feet but Alice, who had silently crept into the room, caught it before it hit the floor. She examined invite going through a range of hideously elaborate facial expressions as she did so. Rosalie grabbed it and stowed it in her big coat.

"As I said, a shilling." Alice stuck her tongue out and stalked away, her bereted head held high.

Meanwhile Bella was having a little trouble.

"Just explain the trick again." Edward said, unsure.

"I've already explained it a thousand times!" Bella was getting agitated. "You get in the box, I saw you in half, I pull them apart, everyone's happy!"

"Yeah look Bella." He didn't want to upset her. "I'm fine with the whole box thing, loving that bit, can't get enough of it actually but it's just the bit that come next which I'm just a tad concerned with."

"I saw you in half what's the problem?"

"Well…what's to stop me actually getting sawn in half." Bella consulted her book of magic.

"I'm working on that." Edward repressed a sigh. "But I thought if we could just try it maybe I could work it out." Edward still looked sceptical. "Ok…there ARE other tricks; I mean we don't have to do that one I suppose."

"Ok…what are they?" Bella flipped through the heavy volume.

"Erm…oh look here's one! Looks relatively simple. "You get in the box…"

"Yup yup liking it so far."

"…I stick knives into you, we take them out and everyone's happy!"

"Hmmm…now that's the bit I'm not too keen on"

"Oh come on Edward, I'm a magician! Trust me, when have I ever let you down?"

"Well…there was that time on the moors with that donkey you said it would be fine to pet."

"Yeah…that was an devil donkey." Bella shivered. "But apart from that when?"

"The time with crab, that aeroplane collision, that time you put Charlie's wallet in my jacket not to mention cliff diving with a certain unnameable werewolf." Bella looked down at her over shined tap shoes.

"Yeah but…" her bottom lip trembled. "B-b-b-but…" her eyes watered. Edward started backing away.

"Oh no, no you're not getting me that way."

"But E-e-edward, if I don't have a b-b-b-bunny sniff, Alice will…"

"Fine, let's keep looking." Edward surrendered.

"Ok!" Bella perked up. "Now how about sword throwing." Edward groaned.

Alice marched back up to Rosalie (who is the star of this game of dress up if you ask me) and thrusted an invite into her hand, it was red with gold writing which flashed in the light.

"No no no!" Jasper yelled, running out of the kitchen towards them, Emmett was getting increasingly tired by this point. "You can't just hand it to her, that goes against all the postal service stands for. Alice shrugged and pulled the invite out of Rosalie's grimy fingers, shoving it towards jasper impatiently. Jasper examined it. "Ah no, well, I see, hmmm…" Alice looked quizzical.

"Whatsa' matta?" (Rosalie's accent is reeking havoc with my spell checker, I think it's gonna explode any time soon)

"This, my good tramp, has no stamp." Alice mimed 'so' and shrugged her shoulders. Jasper chuckled like a astronomer who has just been asked whether it mattered if Pluto was a planet or not (which it doesn't, Pluto is a planet and that's final! That's the way I learnt it when I was 9 and that is the way it will stay anyway the thingy doesn't fit otherwise, you know…make very easy mash just squash new potatoes or whatever…the point is I've just had a rant in the middle of a story!!!!). "My dear mime…person you can't send a letter without a stamp it's like riding in the grand national without a horse. I'll have to take this back to the office." Alice grabbed the letter. "Very well." He said stonily. "Follow me."

Alice followed him into the kitchen with Rosalie dragging her cart allow behind them.

"What the blazes?" Rosalie cursed.

"This my dears is my post office!" Jasper said proudly, lifting the lid of a counter he had fashioned from the island and standing in front of the rows and rows of pigeon holes (not literally this is just a name for little boxes case you didn't know) and stacks of envelopes which Emmett were now licking and sealing.

"Can I stop now?" Emmett said, hindered slightly by his throbbing tongue which was coated with a large amount of envelope gloop which I'm pretty sure is toxic to cats.

"No, my little Jess, keep working or the children at the orphanage won't receive their letters." Jasper smiled and started typing into the old fashion till which stood to the left of a shop bell on the counter. It took a few minutes of him ignoring her before she realised what he wanted her to do. She rang the bell and Jasper looked up as though he had only just spotted her.

"Good day ms. Do you have a letter for me to deliver?" Alice handed him the letter and rolled her eyes at Rosalie. Rosalie did not see this, she was watching the till and listening for the metallic rattle which she recognised only too well.

Jasper fetched a book of stamps from a shelf and stuck one on the letter.

"That will be two pounds fifty please." Alice nodded and handed him a five dollar bill. He frowned at it, holding it up to the light. "I'm sorry miss but we can't accept this, we don't take euros here." Alice put her arms up in a questioning gesture and mouthed 'what?' "We don't take them here." Jasper said very slowly in an insultingly patronising voice. "You're welcome to try down the street but I doubt you'll have much luck." He tinged the bell. "Next please!" Alice launched herself on jasper, clawing at him to get her letter. She forced him onto the counter as they flailed around knocking envelopes flying.

"Hey! I just sorted those!" Emmett cried out angrily but they weren't listening and neither was Rosalie who had crept round to the till and was now emptying the contents into a mail sac which had hung on the wall. She grabbed her shopping cart and ran for her familiar spot by the door, leaving the post office in a scurry of activity which set letters swirling around the vampires in a tornado of postal efficiency.

AN: Hope you enjoyed it, please review 


	11. Yackety Yack

Chapter Eleven:

**Chapter Eleven: Yackety Yack**

Edward sighed, his face pressed into his knees, his ears flopping down over his big pink toes. Edward had been in many situations perilous to whimsical but never had his out look on life stooped as low is it was now.

"Don't worry darling!" Bella knocked on the top of the box. "I know it's here somewhere." She lied through her teeth dancing on the spot nervously. "I was taking to Emmett over here." She moved over to the couch. "Blah blah blah Jasper blah postman blah unfair blah blah blah" she raced through the conversation in her mind. "Yackety yackety yack...Rosalie blah invitation AH hah!" she said triumphantly. Bending behind the sofa and retrieving a small key that had flew off her finger as she gestured angrily at the "impertinence of that little twit!" Bella cursed as she slowly unlocked every side of the box. "To think she was just gonna hand it to her when I paid for a first class stamp." Edward straightened up and rolled his eyes.

"Come on Bella, it's not her fault, you're both gonna do a show aren't you?" Bella glared at him and he retreated against the wall of CDs as she advanced on him (a David Bowie box set fell on his head with a clunk of musical genius hitting musical genius.) 

"Not her fault!" Bella prodded him in the chest with her wand.

"What I mean is…what I was trying to say…" Edward gulped and then collapsed. "…what do I know, I'm just a bunny." He dropped his arms despairingly and Bella returned to the box. 

"Damn straight!"

Rosalie did not care about the shows; she was rich. Richer than she had ever dreamed of being. Cackling, she counted the brightly coloured monopoly money into piles. So engrossed in this meticulous pursuit she hardly noticed Jasper peering down at her. When she did she hastily snatched the money from the floor and several notes flew away to rest on the carpet, out of reach. Rosalie looked frantically at them and then at Jasper who was smiling insanely.

"Hey there?" He grinned. "What a lovely day it is today?"

"Shouldn't you be salvaging your precious post office?" Rosalie spat the words out, her eyes still flicking between jasper and the fallen notes. Jasper bent down, chuckling.

"One of the benefits of being head postman is that you get to delegate. My associate is clearing everything up so don't you worry about a thing little miss." He patted her on the head; Rosalie strongly resisted the urge to bite him.

"So you've made Emmett do it then." 

"At the post office we like to think of it as a team effort but thank you for your concern" Rosalie frowned. 

"I wasn't concerned…I don't care…I…" Jasper chuckled. Ignoring her splutterings he produced a black bundle from his sack.

"Here is your letter little Miss, sorry it's so late, have this complimentary beret." Jasper handed her Alice's invite encased in the beret which she had relinquished only after several fisty fights as "compensation" for Jasper's "valued customer". (This was only after Jasper ascertained that Mimes don't carry loose change…no pockets see…get it…no pockets…cos she's wearing a lycra…? Oh forget it.)

Rosalie jammed the beret over the top of her flee bitten cap and glared up at Jasper who was still standing over her.

"Couldn't help but notice that you've got a fair bit of money saved up their sweetie."

"I'm not giving it back!"

"Alrightie then well I have to say that the post office has a savings plan which could help to increase the value of any finance you possess. Could I interest you in a leaflet?"

He extended his hand towards her, a bright red leaflet dangled in front of her eyes. Rosalie didn't take it. Jasper waited, Rosalie still didn't take it.

"Alrightie then, well if you are interested please feel free to stop by the post office anytime, anytime at all." He turned and, whistling, headed back to the kitchen

As soon as he had gone Rosalie furiously snatched the discarded notes, stuffing them into her bra and huddling herself against the wall.

There was a knock on Edward's door.

"Who is it?!" Bella yelled, dropping the knife she was about to plunge into the cold flesh of her fiancé. There was no answer. Bella sighed and raised the sword again. Edward tensed. There was another knock. "WHO'S THERE!?" Bella yelled again and Edward squeezed his eyes tight, waiting for pain such that he had not felt for a hundred years. "Yes?!" Bella was loosing her patience as there was still no answer. Edward gripped the chains that held him and his toes curled up inside his gigantic feet. There was another knock. Edward gave a squeak of anticipation the sword was still hovering over his torso which was exposed showing his rippling muscles and….FOCUS GEORGIANA FOCUS! Bella turned her attention back to Edward as the knocking got loader. "Right…let's see if I've done this right." 

There was a final ear-splitting knock and the door shattered, Bella was knocked backwards over Edward, lying on top of her collapsible magician's table. There is the doorway stood Alice brandishing the sign which had hung on the door. Bella's untidy handwriting simply said _KNOCK!_ Alice flounced over to Bella who was picking herself up from the wreckage of the door. She brandished the sign in her face.

"What do YOU want?" Bella spat at her. Alice held up five fingers. Bella nudged Edward but he seemed to be in a straight of faint relief such that he was just staring blissfully into space. "What does she want buggs!" Bella thumped him. Edward awoke and glanced over at Alice who was also looking disgustedly towards him. 

"Showdown in the living room in five minutes." Edward said his voice a little higher than it usually was. 

"Oh yeah?" Bella stepped forward so she was nose to nose with Alice. "I'll be there." Alice turned and bounded towards the space the door had previously been, cart wheeling into the hall.

"You gotta admit…" Edward sighed. "She's got style." He received a blow to the head from Bella's hat. (Bella had learned not to directly hit superhuman beings)

"Ah ok ok she's a horrible little Shemale! You happy?" Bella grinned at him and he wretched himself free from the chains. "Remind me to never let you have any kind of power over me…ever!" Bella learnt forward and pinched his cheek before wheeling the table (with Edward still on it) out of the door. 

**AN: Not much happens in this chapter but u know what they say about the calm before the storm….actually what do they say. They just say that there is one I'm not sure that they talk specifically about the calm itself so that makes no sense! And who are They anyway…I don't trust 'em…yackety yack**


End file.
